i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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