omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
