maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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