I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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