wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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