Sry I called you an 8
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
