do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
