Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
