So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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