She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
