Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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