I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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