Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize