why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
