the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
