My sheets look like a crime scene.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
