The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
