Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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