I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
