I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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