Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
