I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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