Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
