Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
