ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
