I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.