Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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