Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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