Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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