There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
