Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize