I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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