My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
