Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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