dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you inspire me to be a worse person
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize