how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
