My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
