So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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