kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
