If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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