i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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