I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
