i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
