this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
