she woke up with a sticky ear
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
