I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
