She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
