Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
