so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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