***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
