I met the friendliest cop last night
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
