Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
