Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
