you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
