thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
