Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
