ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
