I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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