oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
