at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
