I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
