I think I won the penis lottery.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
