White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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