I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
