did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
