Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
