i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
