I showed him my bush... on skype.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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