Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
