I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
