i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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