remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
