Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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