**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
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his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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