Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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