I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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