Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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