Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
